Blame Yourself

The first time I heard “Dark night of the soul” it frightened me. It seemed out of my control and even downright depressing. Until things started happening that left me alone. I am a daydreamer, so that allotted me a lot of time to be in my own head. In those dreams I was always a person who was completely different from who I showed up as, and I simply thought I was dreaming. 

With everybody that’s close to me, I don’t know anyone that wants to be alone. You’d be surprised at what your mind can convince you of. Given cognitive ability, we always think we are simply in control. So we tell ourselves “I’m nonchalant”, “This is just who I am”, “I need this”.. And we end up empty with a world that can offer us everything, but we don’t allow it to because we are protecting who we tell ourselves we are. 

So many of us end up in these small jobs, relationships, and situations because we won’t do the work to free ourselves from those personal chains. 

The hardest person to help is yourself because complacency is easy when you are convincing YOU! Although we are our hardest critic, we are our biggest enabler. In return we keep people around us who keep us comfortable. The colder months slow us down, and put the mirror right in our face. It snatches the masks off, and puts you into a position where you can not lie anymore. 

We’ve had the spring showers, and basked in the flowers that may bring. Dancing in an  overindulgence of good times and smiling showing our back teeth.. But when the fun is over, and the bell has rung; who is there standing in the mirror besides you? When it’s time to isolate and reflect, you’re going to go through that all alone. When we have to answer for the things we did in those “good times”..

If you’re just going to be who you have always been, then don’t expect anything. If you can say “ this is just who I am” then expect nothing in return.

Understand that the work is necessary for where you want to go when it is all said and done. If you wake up tomorrow, and you don't have anything to show for yesterday then change something. I have been a person who would sit and be like, "oh my gosh why does life suck so bad". Meanwhile the work intended for that thing or situation I wanted fixed, was not being done. How the hell do you want the reward without doing the work. Who the hell would give you a 6 figure job to lay in bed all day? Personally I had to stop holding The Creature to a higher standard than I held myself when it came to this life I was given. If you want something better then do something about it. You want a better job, take some classes to boost your knowledge and apply. You want to find love, ask yourself who the person you want is.. then ask yourself are you the type of person they would be with. If the answer is yes, then you're lying to yourself because, if that were the truth you would be with them. You want to have that dream body, put the alcohol down, stop eating crazy, and start working out. The body you want isn't coming overnight. Understand something, I'm not saying any of this is easy. However, if you don't have it then nobody else is to blame but yourself. It's all work and sacrifice, and the people who wanted it bad enough went and got it. Who cares if your circle thinks you're acting funny? Are your friends able to put you in a position to get to where you want to be? Is your family going to support you until you can get it together? Is your partner going to coddle you and allow you to burn them out? I'm pretty sure the answer is no. You know why you can't take everybody with you when you go? Because everybody does not have the same mission in this lifetime.

With my whole heart, I love y'all.

I pray this helps.